Know Fear

Are you fearful?  So am I.  Looking back I realize that fear has reduced me to a shivering maelstrom of emotion and despair for most of my life.   Was I timid?  I was too afraid to move.  All my life I’ve been afraid of just about everything in my environment.  A door slamming, foot steps, sirens, people.  Anything would startle me.  Immediately the question was "how is this invasion going to hurt me?"  It is the specter of change, even the slightest nuance of the “unknown,” that triggered intense fear. 

Confrontation, any kind of opposition, would cause my entire life to seize with fear.  What if they ridicule me or laugh at me?  Because of this I tried very hard to be invisible wherever I went.  I found out it is difficult to gain recognition in the entertainment industry when no one can see me.  But the logic was effective; if I am not noticed then I am safe from ridicule.  I am NOWHERE.

Fear doesn’t have to be a bad thing.  It tells me to run when staying to fight might get me killed.  Fear is not a symptom of cowardice, though it may not make me feel manly at times.  However, it may not be prudent to give a motorcycle gang “the finger” when they run a red light that forces me to miss my green light.  The same pitfalls are apparent with a gang of corporations.  If they intend to dominate the world with price controls and destroy the environment in the process, I should evaluate the danger in opposing there intent.

To be an American is to know fear.  Politicians wield fear like a machete to keep constituents in line often in the name of "God and Country."   American advertising uses fear to squeeze the last penny out of my pocketbook.  Because, if I don't spend money I will have wrinkles and not be sexy in my gray hair.  I won't have a good erection.  It's my fault when the economy tanks, because I didn't consume enough.  I didn't listen to the dire business forecast.  Never mind that I went deep into debt in the last two years just to keep food on the table.

We are fat, depressed and impotent.  No one is allowed to forget it.  Nor is anyone allowed to face their demons in a constructive way to overcome "the fear."  Our job is to drink up every iota of misinformed banality broadcast everyday.   Corporations depend on it.  They use it to funnel the final ounce of profit from advertising.  But, it's alright, after they take my last penny they'll help me file for bankruptcy - NOT REALLY.

Ad men want me hyped-up.  Politicians want to control me.  Mother wants me to be safe.   I just want a little room to be “me.”  Real freedom is in the courage to face my fears.  Real freedom is knowing that I might get murdered or I might get wealthy by pursuing that great idea.

I start to perk-up when I think about rich people having fears, too.  They don't want to lose their money and end up like me, so they invest in politics. The goal is to put the right politician in office so that their money bags don't develop holes and leak money.  Trickle-down is not in their best interests.  Politicians legislate to keep rich people rich (with nice tax cuts).  Those financially endowed keep their endowments and the politicians become more powerful.  The added power enables politicians to legislate even better ways for rich people to get richer and to stay richer (like abolishing duties on imports and not having a surcharge on their country club fees).  Soon the politicians and the rich people are so insulated that neither understands what it costs the real world to keep them in their safe nest egg.

As for me, well, I'm penniless and afraid.  I'm getting a steady drip of adrenalin and fear.  If it doesn't kill me it will keep me quivering in the corner for years.  Like a good American I hear the foot steps behind me wherever I go.  In the middle of the night something is always going bump, boom or bang.  My heart is in my throat and my gun is in my hand.  Whoever it is at the door better not come any closer.

Fear looks for guarantees.  The money will always be there.   The doctor knows what he is talking about.  My business partner is trustworthy.  My wife loves me.  But, there are no guarantees.

Politicians are on the corporate payroll to revoke whats left of the paltry safety net beneath me.   Safety nets cost money.  Why waist that money on me?  I'm just a fearful lump.  After all, moneyed people could take a vacation.  

Diabolically, legislation is positioned carefully to rip my dreams away from me.  My dreams are the only capital I own that can't be squandered.  That bothers powerful people skulking under their corporate umbrellas.

However, there is a balm that gives me succor.   It is the knowledge that the people who wield this fearful blunt instrument can themselves fall victim to the tool they use so grievously. They can become every bit as afraid.  It is their karma, I hope.

In the black between commercials that sponsor the hit TV show, in the silence among the staccato of slogans in the rhetoric of politics, remedies do show themselves.  There are ways to overcome my fear and to think for myself.  It can be done.  Just turn off the television and the radio.  Have a good look around.

So, I ask again, are you fearful?  We are all pretty much naturals at being afraid.  The trick is not to beat yourself up about it.  In the morning, smile at that wretch in the mirror and treat her well.  In the end the person in that reflection may be the only friend you have.  Smile.