BoAt fOr SaLe

I had been driving for long hours in the Sonora Desert.  My eyes were aching from looking at the road for so long and I was tired.  The lines separating the lanes were hypnotic and demanding.  The longer I stared at them the less I could look away. Sunshine was low in the west, casting shadowy figures across the highway.  I thought I saw a camel crossing the road.  That woke me up.  I remembered a story about the army importing camels to the southwestern U.S..  But that was in the 1800's and all of them were dead, they must be.  Then I realized, I was certain of it, I had seen a ghost of one of those camels.  This should have been a warning to me.  I should be looking for a place to stop and close my eyes even if I was too tired to sleep.  Oh, to rest my mind and dunk it like a doughnut in a big mug of sleep.

No, I had to carry on. Mental collapse meant nothing to me.  Physical failure was not an option.  Insanity was creeping in, it must have been.  But it occurred to me - "you have to be smarter than average to go insane."  At this point it became obvious, stupidity was rotting my thoughts.  My fingers felt like they were glued to the steering, my grip was that tight.  My driving had to be "suspect".  Where's a cop when you need one?

That's when I saw it.  While driving over a rise in the highway, on the shoulder was a sign.  It said "BoAt fOr SaLe."  I started to smile, "A boat in the desert!"  Then I began to giggle.  Who the heck would buy a boat and put it in the desert?  There's no water here.   Maybe a million years ago.   Not a drainage ditch.  Not a reservoir or a river around here.  Not a rain cloud in the sky.  I began to laugh.  I had to pull over, I was laughing that hard.  I was laughing for the joyous pleasure of feeling my shoulders bounce up and down over the vibrating wind bag in my belly.  Billows of air were escaping my lungs, "HA, HA, HA!"  Fatigue and hunger and thirst and driving alone for days had done its damage.  I had to find out who would bring a boat to the desert?

I made a "180" and drove back, turning next to the for sale sign onto the bumpy driveway that meandered a couple hundred yards.  It ended at the door of a beat-up Air Stream vacation home on wheels.  Splattered on the side in red paint were large letters that formed the words, "God Speaks To Me."  There was the boat, a Hobie Catamaran resting on its trailer, at the far end of the Airstream.  It was sixteen foot long and in immaculate condition - stark contrast to the Air Stream.  A man opened the door to his trailer as if he had been expecting me.

"I just put the sign up this morning.  I knew it wouldn't take too long to find a buyer.  The name's Sam.  What's yours?"  He smiled and extended his hand to me.

"Ray," I said.

"This is my baby, so I want to find a good home for her," he walked along the flank of his boat patting it reverently.  A desert breeze filled the air and pressed against the yellow wind-breaker he wore.  "Watch what it does when I untie it from the post."

The boat began to float in the breeze, hovering above the trailer it had been resting on.  Sam was holding onto his Hobie Cat like a kid clings to a line with a kite flying at the end of it..

"I'm not really a buyer, uhm, how is it floating in the air."

That's what Hobie Cat's do.  They'll float on anything, including a breeze.  You don't always need water.

I was more tired than I thought.  First the ghost of the camel and now a boat that floats in the air.

"You're not see'n things," said Sam.  He was laughing under his breath.  His left hand rested on the hip of his swimming trunks. The right hand still held the leash to the Hobie Cat.

"I just had to know why you put a boat in the middle of the dessert," I said.  "Had to know why you were selling it with no water anywhere for many miles"

"I'm an optimist," Sam smiled. "There's always something that comes along to get you moving in the right direction.  Besides, this isn't the desert."

"I've been driving in the desert all day.  Of course it's the desert?"

Beep, beep, beep.

I rubbed my eyes.  Where was the beeping coming from?

"Sam, do you hear that beeping."  I was standing, watching the Hobie Cat, but, why was I feeling the seat of my car against my back?

Beeeeeeep!.

"I must be back in my car.  Oh, crap, I'm in my car!"  The sedan was parked in the middle of the highway with the motor running.

Beep, beeeeeep

"Hey, Ray.  Take hold of the tether.  See how the boat feels in the air."

"What?  Where are you, Sam.  How did you get to the highway?"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"There must be someone behind me but I can't see anything in the mirror.  I must be in the way.  I better get moving before I get hit."

Beep, beeeeeep.

"My arms won't move."  I couldn't make the car roll!  My heart was racing, I was sweating.

Beep, beep.

"Ray, Ray," said Sam.  "You sure you don't want to buy my boat?"

Beeeeep.

I slammed my eyelids shut, then opened them wide.  I was startled!  The ceiling of my bedroom was above me.  I could smell Sheila’s perfume and feel her warm breasts against me.

"Wake up and turn off the alarm," said Sheila.  She was not really awake.  "You've been talking in your sleep again."