OK, my on spec script is percolating in the back of my mind. The dogs have been taken out and I've decided to forgo house cleaning. It's time to put together a contest - a sweepstakes open to all souls on this planet. I will present a prize to the person who thinks of an appropriate name for my blog. Such name will replace the title, Suffering Sainthood.
It has been brought to my attention by family and friends that I am not a saint, suffering or otherwise. Those who care postulate that I am arrogant and putting my immortal soul at risk by deluding myself with such an irrational notion of "sainthood." Suffering saints are mythical and belong in the realm of Joseph Campbell and the Dali Lama. I am but a struggling writer and musician.
In my defense, I thought it important at this point in my life to have the support of the Heavens in any fashion to keep myself on the “straight and narrow.” I reasoned that if people reading my blog and twitter posts thought I was a long suffering saint then those thoughts, as grandiose as they might be, could lift me up in a small way to better expedite the challenges of my daily life.
As it has been noted in copious conversation with friend and foe, I may not make it to the Pearly Gates or points there beyond. I've decided to present all who read this document a chance to reach for the Hereafter while saving my paltry spiritual “behind.”
Indeed, I am offering a “Stairway to Heaven,” to anyone who thinks of a suitable name to replace Suffering Sainthood, the name of the blog you are now reading. Just because I'm not getting any closer to Heaven doesn't mean you should suffer such limitations. A Stairway might give its owner at least the opportunity to feel closer to God, and at the same time rescue me from my own machinations.
To qualify, just email any divinely inspired name that comes to you during prayer or orgasm to H.RupertJonz (@gmail.com), re: “The Stairway Rescue Sweepstakes.” The name should fit the contents of my blog and accompanying twitter account. I, that is my wife, will carefully peruse all entries and select the one she thinks best complements this humble blog.
The sweepstakes-holder will receive, a Stairway to Heaven. Actually, it will be a picture of the stairway, suitable for framing. The real Stairway will be kept in a secret location, til the point of the winning person's passing. The Stairway then becomes a vehicle by which the "Renamer" of my blog ascends to their rightful place in the Hereafter.
I will e-mail the picture to the winner. If the sweepstakes champion trusts me with their snail-mail address, I will be glad to send a framed picture of their Stairway to Heaven. Included in the package will be a letter of authenticity and appreciation signed by my wife. This will prove to all who gaze on it that “you” were responsible, at least partially, in saving the wretched soul who writes the weekly blog so named Suffering Sainthood.
The deadline to enter this sweepstakes will be July 15, 2011. In case two or more people offer the winning name, each will receive their own picture of the Stairway to Heaven. Know that it is a sturdy Stairway and can easily accommodate two or more person's passing. The winning entry will be chosen on July 30, 2011.
This is the moment of truth for me. I will find out how many people really read this blog. If I get no entries in this sweepstakes then the Stairway to Heaven and all its renderings will revert to its previous owner's next lifetime.
Remember send your entry to H.RupertJonz (@gmail.com), re: The Stairway Rescue Sweepstakes.
Good Luck to all! And thank you.
Good Luck to all! And thank you.
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